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 Post subject: It's a Book!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 11:55 am 
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Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:54 pm
Posts: 509
Location: On the Grey Lady

It’s done. I did it. Book One: To the Shore has been written. I wrote a book. A whole, entire, complete book. 500+ pages. I finished it late last night. Actually very early this morning. At 1:55am, Decembre the 23rd, 2008 I looked up from my notebook and said, “It’s done. That’s where the end is. I got there!” and stopped writing. Jotted down the time, closed my pen and sat still.

All sorts of things ran through my head. Henry Higgins’ triumphant song at the end of My Fair Lady... “you said that you would do it and indeed you did...” Jane and Guildford Dudley dropping wineglasses on the floor chanting “Then it’s done!” I was trying to make the reality of it all sink in. I still am. There’s this calmness due, I think, to disbelief. I don’t know what to feel. I tell myself I’m happy, and I suppose I am, but it’s a calm happy. A “what a neat dream,” happy. Shock. It’s not really happening to me. This is too big. I keep laughing at odd moments, a “you’ve got to be kidding” kind of laugh, with “wow, I wish this were happening to me” tears behind my eyes.

There’s also a whole lot of “well that sucks, no one’s gonna read that!” The demons are still there. They are always there. Shut up, demons. You’re clutching at straws because you don’t like the fact that I DID IT!!!!! despite you.

There are a lot of things I’ve dreamed about over the years, but curiously enough this is not one of them. It just never seemed possible enough to dream about. Reality doesn’t belong in the dream world. Realism makes a dream small, petty even. It’s just Josie. Have you ever wanted something so badly that you just stopped caring about it? Just accepted the lack of it as a given and gotten on with trying to get it anyway without really believing in it? What do you mean I did it? Did what? Finished? Well obviously not. I don’t finish. I never finish. That dream can’t end, I need it, it keeps me going.

Actually, it’s not over. This is Book One, after all. Not “happy ever after” time, just a mile marker along the way. But it’s a HUGE FARGIN’ MILE MARKER!!!!!! which I never thought I would reach. Finish the whole thing? Nope. You won’t even finish part one, so don’t worry about the rest of it.

Shit. I finished part one. Now I have to worry about it, don’t I? The rest of it. What do I do next? I never thought I’d get this far. I have all these plans, but now I have to carry them out. I tell myself the first thing to do now is relax, take a break, revel in the accomplishment, bask in the glory, etc, etc. But I don’t know if I can. Now that I’m in the swing of things, shouldn’t I keep going? I have momentum, like a racehorse when it crosses the finish line. It can’t just stop running, it has to wind down. I’m still wound up, which is why when my intellect says ‘okay, stop running now,’ it doesn’t really register. What do you mean done? I’m not done.

With this race I am, but I’m going for the Triple Crown, coz I won this race, baby! You gotta take a break between races though, doncha? Get rubbed down? Ooooh, I get to get rubbed down! Now who is gonna volunteer for that job? Oh, Simon, where are you? I got a job for you! Here’s the warm oil, get busy rubbing me! Hmmm, pipe dreams, and I’m not even a smoker. See? That’s too farfetched for me to be too scared to dream about. Hm. Bad grammar, too many prepositions, but I think the sentiment came through that sentence. Possible dreams are the scariest of them all.

The writing is raw. There’s no denying that. It needs a lot of cleaning up. Like any newborn, it’s kind of slimy and gross, hanging there upside down screaming. But it’s here. It’s done. It’s born. Book One. My baby. Okay, I’m crying again.

Perhaps the sentiment is better expressed as Meus primorus opus perfectus est, my first work is done instead of the rather grandiose Meus magnus opus perfectus est. There will be three babies, not just one. Besides, that keeps me in line with the demons. No, I’m not done. They’re right, I’m not. They’re only partially wrong on that point. But if I can finish some of it, maybe I can finish the rest of it too. Then maybe they’ll be completely wrong and I can stomp on their heads and smash their skulls to confetti and their brains to guacamole. That would be fun. But for now...

It’s done. I did it. Book One: To the Shore has been written. I wrote a book. Merry Christmas, Josie.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find some champagne and put on my demon-stomping boots. (Actually, I’m gonna do some housework, but that doesn’t sound quite the same)


Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books. ~Rupert Giles~

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 Post subject: Re: It's a Book!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:20 pm 
Odin Extraordinaire
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 7:46 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Midgard
Huzzah and a mass of synonyms!

... and up yours demons!

Anyway... well done...

"We come from the land of ice and snow..."

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